Grateful

There's this thing about gratitude that changes the world around us.  You know how when someone gives you an unexpected, extravagant gift and then you feel crappy because you either didn't deserve it or don't have anything in return?  Maybe that's just me, but I tend to like things to feel even.  I don't like to be in debt to someone.  I don't mind giving more than I've received, but I don't like it the other way around.  But when you realize that you've received something totally undeserved, there is the crazy sense of gratitude and desire to reciprocate. Grace is like that. Undeserved and upside down.

 When I start to feel like I've really got it together and am doing this life thing pretty okay, I think I start to feel like I deserve goodness.  And then, I feel a little less grateful.  But then something happens to remind me again that I am made of dirt and clay, and suddenly when I'm given Grace, I realize how much it means.  And it makes me want to live this crazy life, grateful again.

Aspen Leaves

I keep a list of things that make me happy, a little like collecting shells from the sea shore. I find that the more I notice, the more my hands are spilling over with good things. What's interesting is that they are rarely things I have, or possess. They are more often gifts that I can't control. Beauty in unexpected places, laughter. Moments that my heart collects and notices-this is good. Sudden stabs of Grace.